TeXaS is Forever!

August 22 2023: General Life Update

    It's been a while, and some things have surely changed! For one, I have more or less revamped this entire website. My old blog posts aren't gone forever, but I've decided to make them private for the time being. This post is going to be a long one, since I haven't written here since July. Here are our topics of discussion:
  • 1) SVA & New York City
  • 2) Thoughts on Aurora, CO.
  • 3) My Chemical Romance & being so back

So, New York. For context, since November of last year I was determined to get a scholarship to the School of Visual Art's pre-college screenwriting summer program. The scholarship application was due April 17. Over the course of one week, from April 9-16, my friend Jude and I co-wrote an 89 page screenplay together, called Summertime. It's more or less a "Social Network" style mockumentary-biopic-dramatization of the 2007 Projekt Revolution tour that My Chemical Romance was on. It's a truly beautiful and deeply tragic film we created about fame and homophobia and small towns and being unlovable. Anyway, I submitted that thing with my scholarship application. Fast forward to May when I walked out of my APUSH exam, checked my email, and discovered that I actually got the scholarship!!! I freak out, time passes, yada yada yada, eventually I find myself on at Newark Liberty Airport in gloomy, humid New Jersey on July 8th. Why I flew into Newark instead of JFK is beyond me, but it meant my aunt from Philly got to pick me up. We took the NJ Transit train to Penn station and met up with my amazing cousin Desiree, who I stayed with the entire 3 weeks. My first Sunday there, I got 12,000 steps because I went to work with Dez in the morning, walked down to SVA to check it out, walked back and through Union Square, and walked all the way down to Washington Square Park because I had nothing else better to do. I went back to the apartment after that and then went to Bedford in Brooklyn for lunch where I was amazed by the availability of vegan food. I slept on Dez's couch in Brooklyn and made the commute to SVA in Midtown Manhattan every day. I took the L train from Myrtle-Wycoff to 3rd Avenue. I didn't make proper friends with my classmates until the last week, but they were all very nice and I miss them. Screenwriting was a small class compared to animation with over 40 students. In those three weeks at SVA, I learned more about screenwriting and short film than I ever did in my 3 years as a creative writing major at my old high school in SA. It was an amazing learning environment, and New York is an amazing city. One of my favorite memories is from Tuesday of our last week. My classmate Wren's family owns a fantastic Italian restaurant in Nolita, and he took us out to dinner! His Mom totally spoiled us with so much free food. I wish every day that I ate more, but I had to cut myself off because I was so full. His Mom even sent us home with giftbags of pasta sauce and noodles to cook. I got to take the eggplant parmesean as leftovers and it was still so good the next day. I felt really happy that night. Another fond memory I have is from Thursday of our last week. The student center was hosting karaoke night in the evening, so to kill time before it started, Hugo and I went to the SVA campus library. I wanted to find the class of 1999 yearbook for Gerard Way images, but alas, I'd have to make an appointment with the archives. We had fun though. And karaoke night itself was really fun. I sang a Cavetown song with Daisy even though I haven't listened to that guy in years. We sang Creep by Radiohead as a group, haha. Hugo and I sang Frank Sinatra. And towards the end of the night, Hugo, Daisy, Hyein and I went to Adrianna's apartment for dinner. Her Mom ordered pizza. It started lighting-storming outside while we were there. Adrianna told me that she was glad to see me being more open since I had been so antisocial the first two weeks. She said she wanted to invite me to lunch back then, and I wish she did, because I didn't know how to talk to people. It was then that I realized how much I was going to miss all this. I feel like I became a real person there, a real adult, you know? It was really strange, having so much freedom. It's also the first time I've felt that I lived truly as a man. No one asks who you are or where you're going, and I felt really respected, just being able to live a life where no one (not even my professors) knows my old name or questions me for using the mens room. And although we didn't become close as a class until the last week, I experienced some really valuable male friendships, if that makes sense. I haven't really been friends with other guys since middle school, when I had an actual friend group referred to by my Dad as the "Nice Young Men." I really cherished being able to stand in a Walgreens with Hugo and Carlos and just talk about what kind of shampoo and deodorant and shaving cream is best, while the girls in the group were off looking for something (I'm still not sure why we went into Walgreens). On my last day after we had lunch together at a Japanese restaurant, I really had to get going because I had to get back to Brooklyn to finish packing and make it to JFK on time. We were only about 2 blocks from the 1st avenue L train stop. I take the L to Brooklyn, and Hugo who lives in NYC, takes it uptown, so we parted ways with the group and walked to the stop. I remember he started crying and he put his arm around my shoulder, and we just reminisced and talked about how our time at SVA was life changing and how we'll remember it forever. I crossed the street and we entered our respective sides of the station. I think I will always remember standing there, printed copy of everyone's script in hand, waiting for the L to arrive, and looking to the other side and seeing my friend waiting there too. It's not the last time I'll see any of these people, hopefully, but it'll be a good while. I deeply respect and miss you, Hugo, Wren, Adrianna, Hyein, Daisy, BZ, Maya Luz, and Carlos.

I'll keep my thoughts on Colorado short, since I feel good after writing about New York. In short, I can't say that I like it here, which bums me out because I was so excited to move...Aurora is a half hour outside of Denver, where everything cool is, and is essentially just rich white suburb after rich white suburb. I live in a rich white suburb now, which is deeply unnerving and makes me very uncomfortable. I feel sometimes like I live in Vivarium. I hate the suburbs, I really do. It's nothing like my old neighborhood back home, which was so lived in and full of life. It doesn't feel like real people live here. I frequently have sobbing breakdowns late at night when my adderall wears off and I have to confront the reality of having no home to go back to. This house doesn't feel like a home. It's sterile like a hospital, to me, at least. Right now, all I want is to go back to San Antonio in November, because Pierce the Veil is playing a show there on November 10th. I am determined to be there, so I can be reunited with my best friend Isabel and we can keep our tradition of going to PTV concerts together alive. I miss my home and my friends and everything familiar to me more than anything right now. I need to stop writing this before I start crying. It makes me want to tear through drywall sometimes. Often, even. I want to go home.

Let's end on a positive note: My Chemical Romance! Lately, the pieces have been falling into place in regards to MCR5. The LS Dunes tour ended in California, and Frank was confirmed to still be in LA as of last week. Supposedly, every MCR member is in LA right now. I have a feeling that we will hear our next big piece of unofficial MCR news in September, and we'll get official news in October. Halloween is the 4th anniversary since the reunion was announced, and I have a feeling they'll announce something this time. Another date to look out for is September 23rd, the last day of summer, and October's Friday the 13th. I believe wholly that by the end of 2023 we will have an official timeline for MCR and that 2024 will be the year of new music and new shows. Mark my words. Goodnight! I'm so tired! But I'm glad I wrote this! Comment on my guestbook if you read this far, lol.